Signs You May Be At a Clinic That Reuses Medical Supplies

1. Patients are informed before their appointment that the need to "bring their own betadine."

2. While other health care providers are switching to computerized medical records, this clinic is trying out the whole "no records" thing.

3. Any box that once had now has

4. The insulin about to be injected is a deep shade of red.

5. You notice from his diploma that your "doctor" actually only has a Ph. D in economics.

6. Patients requiring surgery must bring someone with the same blood type for on site transfusions.

7. Bills can be paid in 10 easy payments of 11.99

8. Upon entering, patients take a number from a deli-style machine.

9. Before the doctor will see you, patients are fill out a questionaire asking, "What did WebMD say you have?"

10. Hand sanitizer is coin operated.

Very Old Posts--Take Two

Another blast from the past. Note: I never actually read this book--this was during the whole "people may actually care to know what you are reading phase." I was trying to be clever.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Currently Watching Go Paddle - Beginning to Intermediate Kayak and sit-on-top see related Open Water 2: Terror on Lamberton Lake (a true, albeit exaggerated, story) Scene 1 The scene opens with our protagonist (yours truly), calmly paddling in his kayak across a serene, sunlit lake. (foreboding music) When all of the sudden the protagonist thinks to himself (zoom in on face) "This kayak seems pretty stable, but you know what they say about kayaks..." (Flashback to mother's warning) "If you were to tip over in the middle of the lake, that would be a nightmare. Nightmare...nightmare...nightmare (fade out and snap back to reality...uhh-ope there goes gravity [bunny trail]) Zoom in on protagonist face again. "I wonder how much it would take to tip this over...I'm sure it would take an awful lot..." Scene 2 Scene opens with our protagonist gently rocking the kayak back and forth. "See it is hard to tip over!" When all of the sudden a trickle of water drips over the side. Quickly the drip of water becomes a stream. And then a torent, engulfing the right half of the kayak. The once proud Old Town kayak is now listing heavily to the right, but she wasn't about to give up without a fight. Lurching back to the left, the kayak struggles against the rushing water with all her might, but it was too late. With a gasp she rolled over, like Rasheed Wallace in the playoffs. Scene 3 (Quick shots of our protagonist swimming next to his disabled kayak, a look of sheer horror on his face) Alone and adrift in the middle of gi-normous Lamberton Lake our protagonist looks around for any sign of help coming. Nothing. He realizes that he must either sink or swim...literally. After a few failed attempts at flipping the kayak over in the middle of the lake, our protagonist realizes that he must swim to shore, all the while pulling his kayak behind him! (fade out with protagonist swimming toward shore) Scene 4 The Earth Shattering Conclusion After laboring for hours, trying to get back to shore, our protagonist finally crawls onto shore. Exhausted and relieved, he kisses the ground, before beginning his long walk back to the docks. Just when it seems he is out of danger, he slips, severly lacerating his right foot, blood jetting upwards. But he's already been through so much that day that he continues on, his resolve only further hardened. When at long last he arrives at home, to a grateful country... (roll credits) The Protagonist.........Myself The Kayak...............Old Town Kayak Burt Reynolds...........As himself a ©stew production

Xanga!

It's funny to look back on what I thought was blog-worthy back in high school. I fairly religiously blogged back then, and I'm glad. Even though they are all pretty awful, it's nice to have a reminder of what was going through my head at that age--which is partly why I started to blog again. And partly because it is a great medium for thinking and refining one's feelings about things in one's life or events in general.

Here's a couple of really "old" entries:

Monday, January 30, 2006
I think that the more I experience life, I've found that there are two types of people in the world. Those who are content to consistently run away from their problems and those that choose to stay and try to make the best of the hand they've been dealt. I find that every day I have to fight being the first person.

Sunday, October 30, 2005
Note to parents: Your son/daughter is no more/less unique because his name is spelled Jaymes or James, also this goes out to all the people who've named their daughter Allison, Allyson, Alison, or however else you can think of spelling it; you aren't doing anyone a favor, just creating a thousand headaches for your son/daughter because no matter how many times your child tells someone, it's always going to be spelled Jason and Allison. Also if your last name is Williams, don't name your son Jason, I think that there are about 1 billion Jason Williams' in the world already. Just to give you an example Jason Williams (NBA players) 1. played for the New Jersey Nets then killed his limo driver (2) Played for Duke and the Bulls until he took a tree on in his motorcyle and destroyed both of his legs and (3) got traded to the Heat from the Mephis Grizzlies. Oh and there's a Jason Williams who plays for the Michigan State football team and also one that scored 3 goals in 16 minutes for the Red Wings. And that's just the first ones that come to mind...

Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Here's a conversation with my dad (on AIM):

stewb1943: Si Senor

baptistsoccer: haha

baptistsoccer: si means if

baptistsoccer : sí means yes

stewb1943 : you're too good, thought I had you there

(later on)

baptistsoccer: love ya dad

stewb1943: me too

Sunday, September 25, 2005
Wasn't it great to be ten and the only decision you had to make was whether you wanted to play tag or wiffleball.

Monday, July 11, 2005
People should start doing crazy things right now...because who knows when you'll need to use the insanity defense.

I won't bore you with anymore. Good times. Well, maybe a couple more. (I think I convinced myself I was a comedic writer in bloom--to Steven Colbert: I'm still waiting.)

Wednesday, July 06, 2005
I wonder if anyone has actually "backed that thang up" in response to "you'z a real fine woman"

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The other day at work I thought about how bad it would hurt to fall onto the grill. But then I thought, "Well if you did it right... verticle lines are slimming"

Wednesday, May 25, 2005
I was at work the other day and we've got a bag of "Fancy Mixed Nuts" that I sell, the thing is, they're mostly just peanuts. Now how is it that a bag of peanuts can be called "fancy." I mean seriously, is there anything less "fancy" than the peanut. We use it to make a butter for goodness sake. You don't go in the cupboard and reach for Pecan Butter, now there's a fancy nut...